Quote of the Week

It has been a rather uneventful week, other than going back to work. :( :( :(
Can you tell I'm not happy about that? lol

On Saturday, my husband and I woke up and went for a bike ride. It felt absolutely wonderful for the both of us to be out doing something. And the weather is just right now. In a month, month and a half, it will be unbearingly hot and I'll feel too weak to go out and do stuff.

But it is another resolution I have, along with my husband this time...to work up a great routine of cycling. I want to get back into it...So, on top of Tae-bo and belly-dancing, I am hoping to be cycling regularly, going farther distances as each week passes.

A friend of ours inspired us. He'd been feeling down lately, so he decided to cycle from here to Hiroshima on his holidays...It turned out to be more or less 1,000 kms...and he did it, I believe
in about 8 or 9 days.

The longest I've ever cycled was just over 50 kms in a day...pathetic, aren't I?? LOL

Anyhow, so my hubby and I shook our laziness and hit the trails. We didn't go very far...we only did 25 kms...but it's a start... Every weekend we'll be adding an extra 10-15 kms...our goal is to be able to cycle to the city he used to live and back, before the summer hits us. Which is about 80 kms total...

It doesn't seem like much, but for someone who couldn't ride a bike for years, I'm happy to be getting back into it.

Our ride felt great for the both of us...it was wonderful to be out in the sun, enjoying the natural beauty around us. My husband in particular was feeling very refreshed, as he loves cycling and did it quite a bit before. So he's a great motivation for me, as he will help to push our goal farther and farther...who knows? We might hit a 100 kms in one day! I think I'd throw a party if I could do that! :) :)

I tell ya'...it's a great way to spend a Saturday morning: cycling under the sun and feeling the leaves of cherry blossoms caress your cheeks or arms, as they slowly fall to the ground with the light cool breeze.

So, since it is my first touch with nature in a while and the beginning of yet another resolution for myself and this time, my husband as well, I thought I'd leave a couple of quotes about nature, for the week.

These are both from the same author and describe well the recompense one gets when they do their part to interact and appreciate the natural art around us.


"In every walk with nature one receives far more than he seeks."

"Climb the mountains and get their good tidings."

~John Muir~


Have a happy week everyone!

A nice glimpse of the future

This week has been a refreshingly calm week. Yes, I'm still crazy busy, but I'm smiling and my shoulders are relaxed and my hair is done nicely and my glass of wine is a nice treat, not a relaxer.

I have now started my Spring Break holiday, but here in Japan it is our end of the year holiday and the new school year will start, for us foreigners in a couple of weeks.

These next two weeks will still be busy as we are finalizing my husband's papers and doing a major cleaning to get rid of most of our stuff to get an early start on packing. I also plan on finishing my novel within these next two weeks.

I have about another 10-15 chapters to go, but I am determined to finish it. Then dedicate the next 2 or 3 months to making the final edits. Then, it's off to a publishing house or agent for rejection or acceptance...of course, all in the house are hoping for the latter! *wink wink*

Getting older doesn't seem such a taboo issue with me anymore. No, no. I'm actually enjoying each day as my life is shaping up to be just how I want it to be.

I'm learning to relax more, learning to let the little things fly with the wind and the big things not to consume me. I'm enjoying learning the things I've taken upon myself to learn. I'm learning to be more optimistic. I'm learning to be even stronger than I thought I was at facing possibilities/obstacles.

And I'm learning to enjoy a good glass of wine, or a steaming hot coffee, appreciating the nature around me. I've passed a couple of days in the exact manner I've painted my 'future' picture as. Relaxing with my husband over a nice coffee in the morning, watching the sun rise and writing.

I've had the pleasure of learning the feeling my writing tutors described when they talk about 'whipping up an article and sending it off'. And also when they talked about feeling like a writer and the satisfaction when the paper or magazine shows up on your doorstep and you open it to read your article.

Yes, this week has been the exact mimick of what I am planning my life to be like by the end of this year. It takes time, but each day is one step closer. Each day is a separate pleasure I'm learning not to take for granted.

Okay, so there are my thoughts for the night and now I'll sign off wishing everyone a wonderful week. Find beauty in the little things. It makes life so much more pleasurable. :)

Why is changing so hard?

So, a few things happened over these last couple of weekends that got me thinking.

It's been a long struggle for me over the years to live the life I want to live and to mold myself into the person I want to be. And I've had more relapses then I'm willing to admit.

I wasn't always such a nice person. Actually, I was a downright b*tch. I had alot happen in my life that made me lash out and hate everyone, feel the need to break free and turn my back on it all, feel the pressure to prove myself and I was cold. Very cold. I didn't shed a tear no matter what happened.

There were a few years of my life where I felt I had finally reached the balance in my life and in me, as a woman. They were the happiest and most peaceful years of my life.

Unfortunately, that didn't last long.

Now, I am overly friendly, am a mother hen to all my friends, wear my heart on my sleeve and cry at the drop of a hat. I'm pathetic.

The thing is, such an extreme change in character has opened the doors to being hurt, taken advantage of, betrayed and leaving any Joe Blow feeling they have the confidence to say whatever they damn well please to me.

And everytime something like that happens, I can feel the old Aurora coming back. It's like the transformation of the incredible Hulk. Seriously. My face feels hot, it's red as a tomato, my hands start to shake and I can almost feel my blood boil. (I know that makes me sound scary, but unfortunately that is one trait I inherited from my Sicilian ancestors: a very bad temper)

Yet, I say nothing. The new Aurora, the nice Aurora, the 'do unto others' Aurora wins out. And I honestly have no idea if this is a good thing or a bad. All I know is that when I walk away without taking the opportunity to speak up for myself or my family, I'm left days with simmering anger.

Unfortunately, I admit the new Aurora tends to take alot and then without explanation I blow up at the final straw. So it is partly my fault for by staying quiet, these so-called friends or complete strangers are conditioned to think it is okay to walk all over me.

Due to recent events that I won't get into, my husband gave me a stern talking to. He said I am way too nice and I need to stop being this way. He, on the other hand, is not very friendly with people at all. I've asked him to be a little more friendly over the years together and he has softened a bit, but I am beginning to think he had it right to begin with.

This afternoon my husband made it clear to me he is no longer Mr. Nice Guy with anybody but family. He is polite, don't get me wrong but cordial polite. Not friendly polite.

After the track record I've had these past few years of being walked on and losing friends for not saying things sooner, I think he's right.

And I hate to admit, that because of all this, I've grown to be quite a complainer and I have grown to become irritated much to quickly. I am no longer the calm, take it in stride Aurora I was a few years back. And I miss that.

I miss the woman I was just a few short years ago. It seems I was much smarter and more balanced then.

So, after an afternoon alone with my thoughts, I've made some decisions.

I am no longer going to complain.
I am no longer going to look at the pessimistic side of things.
I am no longer going to allow people to 'sting' me with their words/actions.
I am no longer going to open my heart to just anyone.
I am no longer going to worry what people will think of me if I do or say something.
I am no longer going to let people manipulate me.
I am no longer going to let my temper get the better of me.

I am going to focus on me.
I am going to focus on my husband.
I am going to smile more.
I am going to be more optimistic.
I am going to be firm.
I am going to say and do what I feel is right in the moment.
I am going to move forward every day.
I am going to let go of the past.
I am going to let other's be angry.
I am going to make the line more visible to others.
I am going to rid myself of all negative thoughts.
I am going to distance myself from people who won't be in my life in a year.
I am going to be more calm.
I am going to curb my temper.
I am going to surround myself with only people I want near me.
I am going to think happy thoughts.
I am going to be happy, secure, confident and balanced.

And I am going to log it all here in my blog. I need to 'see' myself accomplish these things.

*phew*

Well, what a way to start the week. A little soul-searching and resolution making. :)

I am going to succeed :)

My calming refuge

I have slowly become a lover of nature.



I haven't reached the same intense passion as others, say like rock climbers or para-sailers who want to be one with nature, but I definitely have developed a respect and admiration for the unspoiled beauty that still exists on the planet.



When I think of going back home and how I want to spend my days, an image of me sitting on a porch in front of a wooden cabin with my wonderful husband, drinking coffee and looking out at glorious snow-covered mountains, with the sun peaking out from behind their majestic tips comes to my mind.



And I feel completely blissful. How can I not? With a country like Canada, the beauty of nature and all it offers is at my fingertips. We Canucks are very lucky.
Although I admit, some winter days are so fierce, we may think otherwise :)



When I take pause during the day, I find myself looking toward the sky. I love clouds. Of course, I prefer the fluffy white ones just slightly marring a blue sky. But man, they are beautiful. I could watch them for hours.



Their formation and movement are truly incredible. When I see pictures of sunrises over water, or snowy capped mountains with nothing but green at it's base, it really does take my breath away.



I find my peace and tranquility in the few moments I can steal each day to appreciate the beauty around me or above me.



Thought I would add some of the pictures that I love to look at once in awhile...just to give me my few moments of bliss, when I need it. The pictures on the side of my blog were all sent to me through e-mails by friends. And I just absolutely love them.



This makes me feel more at home and makes me long for the day when I am back home in my beautiful land of Canada. :)

My First Attempt

Well, I finally did it. I made a blog.

I have never been able to keep up with a diary so I'm kind of thinking why did I do this.
Actually, as I type this I'm staring at the diary I bought a week after I got married, sitting on my shelf collecting dust.

It's strange because people who know me well, know I always have something to say and have an opinion on just about anything. And am never afraid to voice it. But I'm sitting here not knowing what to write.

Okay. A little about myself:

I absolutely love my family (most of the time).

I love to travel, which unfortunately since my marriage, hasn't been something I've been able to do. That's one of the beauties of singlehood; you can do whatever you want, whenever you want. But once you're married, it's different. I don't care what feminists or anyone else says. It is different. And it should be.
When you marry someone, you vow to share your life with them. Decisions should be made with the both of you.

What else...?

Um...I am an English Teacher, hoping to change careers...I am a published writer and am currently working on a novel. My dream is to stop teaching and work from home writing novels. I want to spend more time with my family and less time in a work atmosphere with people who mean very little or nothing to me, at all.

I vow not to be one of those people who, on their deathbed, regret not spending more time with the people they love.

Lately, I have become quite disgruntled with people in general. It has been eleven years since I walked out of my home, my country and my roots to live anywhere but there. And in these past eleven years, I have had more life lessons than I can count.

The lessons life has thrown at me have very rarely been gentle, but rather brandishing and scarring my mind and heart. Imagine a hot iron being pressed against your forehead for 10 full seconds. That's what most of those life lessons felt like to me.

Regrets? I've had a few...but too few to mention. (Yes, I'm a Sinatra fan.)

Through it all, most times I was left standing alone. But I survived...with strength I never knew I had and with the hand of God. And because of this, I am a firm believer in tough love. What doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger. I have no sympathy for weak personalities.

And I admittedly hate people who have had everything given to them on a silver platter and who have never had to struggle in life. They may look good, but more times than not, they are emptier than a hollow vase. No substance, no strength and no idea.

The thing is, here in Japan, all the people I felt were decent friends, turned out to be like the scum walking the "crucero" in Mexico, when I lived there...and trust me: most of those homosapiens barely passed the test of being human. Their resemblance to beast with only instinct, rather than heart and reason, was scary.

Through my time here, I have learned that I had invested time and effort and a little of my heart on people that just weren't worth it. They never understood me, nor cared enough for me. It's a sad realization when you wake up to it. And it's enough to change your outlook on people forever.

Now, I am more than happy to keep that circle closed tight. Outside of my family, which are my life, and the very few friends that have stood the test of time with me, that circle is firmly closed.

And it's a breath of fresh air for me.

Over the years and the struggles I faced, my personality has gone through evolutions and drastic changes.

I struggle each day with the person that I am and the person that I want to be. And I thank my family and few friends that have seen these changes in me and despite it all, love me unconditionally.

I can't ask for more than that. :D

Wow...and I had nothing to say...can you imagine if I did??!

Well, I suppose that's it for now. I'll just leave you with my new life motto.

This is what molds me, my thoughts and actions for each day and for my future. I read it somewhere and it struck a chord with me. I never stopped believing or working towards achieving it...and I will achieve it.

"Loving what you do is Happiness
Doing what you love is Freedom."

Life doesn't get any better than that! :D