Holding on for dear life...no end in sight

Well, it is now 9 months since we've been back and 8 months since I've been looking for a job.

I am the perfect example of: be careful what you wish for.

I've done alot of pondering these last few months. Life is too short to be anxious and stressful, but it seems like an impossible feat not to be.

I commend my husband for trying to stay positive. He really has an amazing attitude. Yes, he has bad days. Days where he is fed up and wants to pack up and leave, but it passes quickly enough and he sticks to his promise to give it a shot.

I, on the other hand, am taking this setback badly. Surprise, surprise...the emotional one. But I also have good days where I just keep plugging forward.

It just amazes me that in a country that is so multi-cultural, and Toronto being named the #1 multicultural city in the world, having lived and worked abroad and exposed myself to other cultures and worked in NUMEROUS multi-cultural settings, it works against me here. How screwed up is that?

I haven't heard from the literary agent and have just sent out another query to another agent. Publishing is a waiting game, isn't it?

Trying to get my internet business on the ground and ridiculously enough, can't seem to find a solution to the biggest and most important of all: setting up my website! Nobody I know can do it, much less as a favour or help.

Looked at some companies and the price they charge is much too high, so unfortunately that has to be put on hold.

Am waiting for my foreign credentials assessment in order to take my next step. Have been waiting for some time and because of that, the easiest and most reasonable move for our future has been put on hold. argh

So I called the university today and left a message giving them a piece of my mind...a rather BIG piece of my mind, at that! ;) lol

Frustrations are everywhere, but we try to find good things to keep us smiling during this struggle. My husband and I went to a village that mocks the pioneer times of Canada...just love that...he got some awesome shots on his camera. It was a nice day.

We've taken quite a few weekends to go hiking...it's nice to see Canada's nature at it's best. It seems that is the only part of my homeland that hasn't let me down...still beautiful, still rich, still good ol' Canadian horizons....at least that hasn't changed!

Submitted an article to a Woman's magazine in the states. Hopefully, they'll accept it for publication. It would be a nice boost!

Other than that, still plugging away. Slowly adapting. Have hung up some pictures around the apartment and taken some of our possessions we had in Japan and laid them out around the place. It gives us more of a sense of stability.

Slowly getting there. Praying to God and leaving things in his hands. I know he won't leave us in such a low time.

Keeping Faith

Struggles never end, it seems.

I suppose I can now fully understand the phrase: be careful what you wish for.

It hasn't been easy for us, since we've come back. I am still out of work, much to my dismay and everyone's surprise.

It's a frustrating time. The struggles we are facing now, have put quite a damper on our happiness and relief and excitement of coming home.

I remind myself everyday of the good things we have and what we need to be grateful for. My husband is working hard to provide for us now. We are grateful God has taken care of us and given us this blessing.

I have faith that things will get easier, I just need to work on patience.

In the meantime, apart from job searching and resume sending, I am working on submissions for my novel. Crossing fingers that it will be picked up soon by an agent or publishing house.

Another good thing I've focused on is that Autumn is right around the corner...my favourite season!! So I am very happy about that. It will be a great time for my husband to get in some photography. And with the beautiful Canadian landscapes, I'm sure despite our present struggles, it will be a time for us both to sit back and lose ourselves in the natural beauty around us and perhaps forget our troubles for a time.

Photography is a portal not just for the naked eye to see beyond, but for one's soul to swim in...

School never ends

Well, am very happy to report that I presented for my exam and have passed!! :) YAY!

So, this is the first part and the toughest that had me sweating bullets. I'm happy it is now over, and I can turn all my attentions to finding full time employment.

I plan on presenting the practical part of the exam within the next 3 weeks. Once that is done, I'll do my CPR certification and be finished!

Hoping that by the end of July I'll be happy to blog that I am a Nutrition and Wellness Specialist, and I'll have some letters behind my name. ;)

This will open new and (hopefully) more prosperous roads for me and my family. Fingers crossed.

Dad in Recovery

My dad's thyroid surgery went well. He came out of the hospital on Sunday.

Mum is very sick now and since getting my dad sick while recovering is a big no-no, she is staying at my sister's place.

Since I'm still not working, my hubby and I are staying here with my father, to take care of him.
It's not easy. Being as he was operated on the thyroid, it is very debilitating for him to even swallow. He gets the shakes pretty bad. I am hoping he'll feel better within the next day or two. I am doing everything I can, but short of taking his pain away, I just have to stand back and watch. I feel pretty helpless. It's not fun watching your father brought to his knees (in a sense) through pain. I feel awful for him.

Whenever possible, I am trying to take every opportunity I can to study while I'm here. I don't know if I'll be ready or not for the exam on the 26th, but I'm going to give it my best shot. While working on my writing, I am hoping I can work even just part-time as a Nutrition and Wellness Specialist. Moving forward always.

I just heard back from the publishing house and it is yet another rejection. Keeping my head up about it.

Once the exam is over and I have more time, I'll be back to the books, concentrating on where to submit it again. Not giving up. Persistence and patience.

The turns life takes

Wow, it's been awhile!

I've been home now since February. It has been a rollercoaster ride of emotion, but things are just beginning to settle.

We've been staying with my parents since then, and have now found an apartment in the city. During this time, I've sent my resume out to 91 different job applications. Have received 3 replies: not one interview.

It has been a bit depressing and frustrating I must say. I understand we came at a difficult time for all of us, but the novelty of being back has worn off and the pressure is really on to find work.

I have abandoned my writing since I tried to concentrate on settling down. We are now in the process of moving in. We've painted our apartment and are at my parent's house tonight, grabbing more things.

It has been a long road...I was hoping things would've been easier, but hey...who said life was easy!!

Our internet and phone will be connected next week, so we are very happy. Back to the rest of the world!

I decided to take a specialization course in Nutrition and Wellness and my exam is at the end of this month. If I pass, then pass the practical, I will be a N & W Specialist. Hopefully, that will take my life closer in the direction I am wanting.

I didn't realize how long it has been since I posted on my blog. It feels great to get time to write a little note. I am missing my writing life and writing friends, my outlet and my release.

Once we get everything connected and we are unpacked, hopefully I will have more time to dedicate to writing.

I hope everyone is well!! Am missing all of you very much. I will visit your blogs soon.

Heather, I did see your new blog. LOVE the new look! And of course, all your work looks beautiful! ;)

I must pay a visit to TWF. It has been way too long. I did get a chance to chat with Mike and Mindy, which was nice. Am missing the TWF family.

It seems this rollercoaster has not stopped just yet, but am leaving things in God's hands. We definitely need Him now. There's not much fight left in me now.

Big hug to everyone. Sorry for being MIA but have not forgotten my space. ;)

The move is on...

Well, today the movers came and picked up all our stuff to bring to the warehouse. After measured and fitted, it will be put on its sea route back home. So, it's full on now!

I realized that I only have 3 more weeks at one school and 2 more weeks at the other school, before I'm done...hopefully for good!! Yes, I really want/need that break from teaching.

Now, we are focusing on the last things to dispose of from the house...most in the garbage and the rest in recycle shops.

I haven't had a workout since x-mas when I got sick...my body has been aching to get a good one in, but with being sick, then busy packing and finally once packed, no room to move, I've neglected my body.

I was so excited to see the floor of my house again today I swore I'd be working out tonight, but alas, am so exhausted from the day that I will have to start tomorrow. I see Terry's pictures and she's always so active, it make me miss my exercise even more.

But no complaints this week as things are coming together. As the days get closer, it gets more exciting and more tense as we don't know what the future holds. Praying to God I am...every day.

And now that that part of the moving process is done with, I spent the rest of the day planning out some of our future goals and projects to work towards, which will all have to start once we're back home.

I made a business proposal to the owner of the mag I've written for, unfortunately the woman does not and seems to have no intention of paying the people that work for her. I assumed that it went only for contributing writers, but it looks like it's for everyone...Hmmm...got me thinking. I'll keep my public comments to myself on this one, though.

Checked out some nature photographers in the area, hoping that once we're back we may find someone who would be willing to work with my husband to help him hone his craft as well, which will help us aim toward our goal of publishing together.

Also, once we are back from visiting my husband's family, I will be dedicating all my free time to getting my ESL business in order. I would like to see it up and running within the first 3 months of being back in Canada, so it will be alot of work.

In terms of writing, I had to pack up all my writing stuff, so with the rejection of the literary agent, my Canadian writer's market out of reach, I will have to wait until I'm back home and unpacked before sending out another query.

I am still waiting on the other two queries I sent out, for my short story compilation and my children's book.

I also began to draft another children's story. I've got about 8 characters and the first story written, in first draft. Once back home, will look it over again, and probably send that one out to an agent or another publishing house.

I have exactly 3 weeks to meet the quota for an online mag I write for, or I will have to cancel the contract...with everything that has taken my time, I haven't been able to give proper attention to that.

All in all, we are happy that things are moving along...time is passing pretty quickly and we are excited about that. We are both excited, happy, anxious and a little tense, but convinced that this will be a good move and is the right decision.

But, as my sweet husband says, whatever happens, as long as we stick together and deal with things as a couple, discussing things thoroughly and honestly, we'll handle whatever comes our way.

Can you say C R A Z Y???

Okay, so I haven't been on here or anyone else's blog in a while.

Things have been quite busy as we are getting ready for the move. I realize it's not until February, but we must prepare to send our things over early, which is what we've been doing.

I've been on holidays from work since the 23rd of December. From the 24th of December I was feeling sick and by the 26th I was downright out of commission. Battling tonsilitis, bronchitis, sinusitis and every other 'itis' one could imagine. I actually began to feel better this past Sunday. So more than an entire week of my holidays I spent in the house and in bed.

Now we are short on time, as you could imagine. We have done loads of re-distributing, organizing and packing. The boxes are almost done and ready to be sent. I am hoping to be able to call the moving company this week to come and get our stuff next week.

At times, I wonder if it's even worth paying the money to send over all this stuff, but my husband brought up a really good point.

We are not rich and with him having been unemployed an entire year, we haven't been able to save what we could have saved. I am still not debt-free and apparently, according to Canadian financial advisors, 2010 is NOT the year to be in debt and are suggesting one do whatever they can within their means to reduce and get rid of debts this year.

I was looking over apartment prices and HOLY COW!! The cost of living in Ontario has increased DRASTICALLY since the last time I lived there.

So, with all this financial strain yet to come, my hubby said that it doesn't make sense to give away or sell everything we have here, for $50, if we are LUCKY to get that, when we've spent thousands of dollars on this stuff. Only to go to Canada and have to pay thousands to get it all again over there, on top of a new apartment, a new car and everything else we will need to live.
Since we've already spent the money and have the stuff, we might as well just keep it. This way, our 'start-up' expenses will be cheaper.

I suppose he's right. But I still wish things were easier.

You'd think after being away for so long I'd have more to show for it, financially. But I was never good at saving. I made stupid decisions on how to get my education and have been paying my college fees multiplied by 10 now, and I'm still not free. It's not smart to pay for college on a credit card, but it was the only option left for me with the circumstances I was in.

Living abroad, my country refused to help me with student loans. Living abroad, my bank refused to help with a loan. So if I wanted a degree, I'd have to pay for it with plastic. Which I did. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

I've paid my university fees off years ago but have been paying interest fees ever since. It just doesn't stop.

*sigh*

On another note, while I was under the weather, I finally had the time to finish my cross-stitch embroidered pillow. It only took 6 months! LOL

But here is the final product. It is a little off as it should have been square and not rectangle, but that was my misjudgement. Nevertheless, I am very proud of myself. And that little pillow is coming back home with me.

I thoroughly enjoyed it. I just wish I had more time to dedicate to learn more crafts and to learn how to do them better. It's such a peaceful and satisfying way to pass time.

I've been writing articles but haven't heard anything yet on my submissions for my books. Still crossing my fingers. I SO want to write for a living.

That would be a true blessing. To be able to go back home and begin a writing career. I could finally stop teaching.


Well, it's 1:30 in the morning here and I'm not tired in the least, but I will sign off.

Have missed my TWF friends and everyone else. Hanging on with happy thoughts, okay a bit mixed, but trying to focus on the 'adventure' of it all!